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About Varied / Hobbyist Ashley18/Female/United States Groups :iconlivinginthenight: LivingInTheNight
Breathe The Madness
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Deviant for 3 Years
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 I never imagined myself making something like this, and I don't know what response it will get, if any. In my experience so far it seems to get a sort of "that's not even a thing, you're delusional" response, but there's something I want to share with the world. I want to shout it to the whole damn world, and right now I feel so confined and wary of every movement in my town, so, like any blissful idiot, I've taken to the internet.

 in August of last year, I met a girl. I'd gone to school with her since the seventh grade, I'd heard her name countless times, but I'd never met her. I'd never expected she'd be anything to me.

 Before I get into that I need to explain something. I'm not gay. I spent most of my life telling myself I was completely straight. I brushed off any crush I ever had on a girl because I was scared, but I always wondered what made genders so important to people. I always wondered what happened if you fell in love with someone of the wrong gender, and I always cared more about the the person than the body they were in, but everything told me it was normal for girls to like boys, and I'd liked boys before, so it was easy for me to hide from myself.
 when I met this girl I was immediately fond of her. The first day, I remember not wanting to stay at my best friend's house, but deciding about three hours into this gathering that if the girl stayed, I would stay. Unfortunately, I went home that night.

 She told me she was gay six months after I met her. Until this point it had been easy to chalk my fondness up to friendship, because I thought she was straight, because I had a boyfriend, and because I was scared. That month was full of questions for me, but I focused on explaining it away. telling myself that I did only like guys, but that I was attracted to a genderless mindset. Just something hovering on the middle, kind of like me, because I identify as a girl, but I'm very happy to be androgynous or simply capable of convincingly dressing like a guy. I kept this going for a long time.
 Eventually, I broke up with the guy I was dating, finding myself incredibly unhappy, because I found so much more in this girl, but I refused to admit that to myself.
 It took months of her staying at my house and progressively getting closer for me to finally stop running.

 I realized that I am pansexual. Meaning, essentially, that gender really doesn't matter.
and so shortly after, I started dating a girl. a beautiful, wonderful girl, whose name I will not mention.
And I'm happy.
I'm so incredibly happy, I'd like to proclaim it to the world, but my family is displeased, and hers surely would be if they knew. So I've come here, to proclaim to as many people as I can
that I am in love.


flashingnumbers's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm an amateur artist and aspiring author.

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DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Student Artist

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in supporting me in that endeavor of mine?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!
flashingnumbers Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'd be glad to give it a look if you provide the links. :)
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Student Artist


Let me know what you think :)
flashingnumbers Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
 Nicely done. :) I checked out a few of your other songs too, you have a nice voice. Keep it up. :D
(1 Reply)
RaeClone Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favorite! 
NeverEndingMissary Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Student Writer
Happy Birthday! Hope It's splendid! :cake:
flashingnumbers Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :)
IYodelForFun Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014
Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
flashingnumbers Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :) I am in fact having a wonderful day! :hug:
IYodelForFun Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014
That's great! :thumbsup:
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